Name Change Game (AI)
You don't get to pick your name; it's given to you. However, it turns out that sometimes you don't even get to control your name as you go through life. I never changed my name, but that doesn't mean it didn't change. I was born Thomas Alan MacDonald (at least that's what I was told) but now I seem to be Thomas Allan Mac Donald. How does this kind of thing happen? Follow along with the following true story of my game of life.
Name Change Game (AI)
When I was born, my parents wanted me to have a common name, that is also the name of a Catholic Saint. The decision was made that I will be named Thomas Alan MacDonald. However, the person filling out my birth certificate at Northwestern Hospital (which is now Abbott Northwestern Hospital - after two hospitals merged) incorrectly spelled my name as Thomas Allan MacDonald (with two ells). My parents were disappointed but apparently there was nothing they could do.
Birth Certificate (AI)
Since this was back in 1951, and the country was not filled with xenophobic mania, no one really cared that my mother told me my middle name was spelled Alan. After all, this is what she wanted in the first place. This means I went to school, received a Library Card, Social Security Card, and Driver's License with my middle name spelled Alan. In the 1950s and 1960s - no one cared.
Your Name is Alan (AI)
When I was 20 years old a group of us decided to take some time off from college and travel to Europe. Meaning I needed to apply for a Passport. (My grandsons were compelled to get passports shortly after birth.) This is when my mother tells me that my birth certificate spells my middle name Allan and that's how I should fill out the passport form. Upon receiving my passport I notice that the good people in the passport office spelled my name Thomas Allan Mac Donald (with a space), while every other document I acquired since birth used Thomas Alan MacDonald (no space). These days I have to make sure my airline boarding passes always use the Mac Donald format.
Boarding Pass Using Allan (AI)
But hey, that was 1970 and nobody cared. We still did not have much xenophobic mania in this country. The verbal pronunciation of my name was still the same - everyone was happy.
I finished college, became a high-school math teacher, couldn't handle teaching high school kids, went back to college, and got a degree in computer science. Then I met the love of my life. After I received my comp-sci degree, we got married. And a marriage license can be filled out with whatever names you want. Guess what, when the license arrived, the bureaucrats spelled my wife's and my last name as Mac Donald. I also used the Alan spelling (I don't remember why I did that). Since it's the 1970s, no one cares.
Marriage License (AI)
In the early 1980s I lost my billfold and my Social Security Card. I just never applied for another one. I never missed it. I knew my number by heart.
Now lets fast forward about four decades into the future. I am retiring and hoping to enjoy a simple quiet life. Let's sell the house and move to beautiful Downtown Minneapolis. Of course, one must get a new Driver's License because the address changed. And of course, the spelling was Thomas Allan Mac Donald on the new license. Funny thing is, they spell my wife's last name MacDonald on her new license. Oh well, this is just another part of my name story. Little do I realize that because this is now a time when xenophobic hysteria is everywhere, and the spelling of the name becomes way more important and possibly problematic.
Beautiful Downtown Minneapolis (AI)
I start to rationalize that the xenophobes believe that the reason so much wealth is concentrated in the hands of so few people, is that foreigners came to this country, took everyone's job, and then gave all that money to rich people. I mean the rich people have all the money. Right? How else could they have acquired it? Since the rich people didn't ask them to do this, it must be a problem caused by foreigners. Though I'm not sure exactly what the problem really is.
Next the message became, something along the lines of: foreigners commit lots of crimes - especially rape and murder. Since the foreigners took so many jobs away from so many decent American people they are all evil and they caused an increase in depression anxiety stuff. The foreigners supply these depressed people with illegal drugs and then give all that drug money to rich people. Some depressed people commit suicide because of these foreigners. I mean one can only conclude that they are really evil. Right?.
Poor People Give Their Money To Rich People (AI)
The foreigners are also committing tons of terrorist attacks and other crimes. The solution to this terrible situation: match everyone's name with a Social Security Number, Passport Number, Driver's License Number, and something like a Utility Bill. The solution is called REAL ID. Getting Real IDs is actually more complicated than that, but you get the idea. Once we have Real IDs, we have the tools needed to round up the foreigners and throw them out of the country.
Foreigners Getting On An Airplane And Being Deported (AI)
Looks like I need to get a Real ID and this also means I need to get a replacement Social Security card. So, this means I have to go to the only Social Security Office in the entire Twin Cities metro area that provides replacement cards. This office always seems to have a city block long line of people waiting to get into the building. To fully appreciate the experience of going to this office, do this in the dead of winter. Since there are only so many seats in that office, lots of people have to wait way too long outside, in freezing weather, with their backs to the wind. Why is there only one of these offices?
Social Security Office During Winter (AI)
But I digress - where was I? Oh yes, the Social Security Card on record spells my name Thomas Alan MacDonald. I show the nice person helping me that both my Passport and Driver's License spell my name Thomas Allan Mac Donald. He kindly changes my middle name to be Allan. For some reason, I neglected to ask them to add a space character inside my last name. That added space just never looks right to me.
My new card arrives in the mail a couple of weeks later. Now I am ready to apply for a Real ID and prove I'm not one of those foreigners. I was rejected in my first attempt because I failed to bring along a Utility Bill with my name on it (sigh). I go again with the Utility Bill but I'm rejected again. The employees at the County Government Service Center told me that they think this is because my Social Security Card spells my last name as MacDonald instead of Mac Donald. They told me to go back to Social Security and ask them to issue me a new card with the last name spelled Mac Donald.
I get to the Social Security Office 20 minutes before they open and the line is about 1/2 block long. I wait in the below freezing temperatures for the office to open. When it opens I eventually make it inside where I have to empty my pockets, take off my belt and watch, walk through a metal detector, and finally get a number. After my number is called a friendly and helpful woman told me she can make the change and my card should arrive in 2 weeks.
Social Security Employee Helping Me (AI)
Eventually the new Social Security Card arrives and looks correct.
Will that do it?
A funny thing happened to me while waiting for the card to arrive. I was at a happy hour gathering in the building I live in and I'm telling this story to someone. She then tells me that she got a Real ID even though her Social Security Card still uses her maiden name. She never changed it after getting married and yet she got the Real ID.
What will happen when I try again to get a Real ID? Read on.
Other questions pop up. Am I really married since my marriage license used Alan instead of Allan? Since my wife and I have different spellings of our last names on our Driver's Licenses, do we have the same last name in the eyes of the State of Minnesota? How should we spell our names on our credit cards, tax filings, bank accounts, job applications, etc.?
It's February 19, 2020 and I head over to the County Government Center with my new Social Security Card, on a mission to get a Real ID. The mission is successful but the reason for success involves an even stranger twist to this saga.
My Minnesota Driver's License spelled my name as Thomas Allan Mac Donald. The nice person helping me realizes that the State has my last name recorded internally as Donald and my middle name(s) recorded as Allan Mac. When I moved two years ago and had to update the address on my driver's license, someone at the County Government Center must have also changed my name so that I had two middle names (Allan Mac) and a brand new last name (Donald). I'm thinking to myself, they can do that and no one notices?
I'm Confused (AI)
The very helpful person at the Government Center changes my last name back to Mac Donald and my middle name back to Allan cause they can just do that name change stuff. So, it turns out that I really did not have to get a second new Social Security Card as the first one was correct. The MacDonald spelling (no space) would have worked fine. She noticed this because Real IDs have my name printed as Mac Donald Thomas Allan (last name first). It stood out because Donald Thomas Allan Mac did not appear to be correct.
So, why did all of this happen? I think it's because the Federal Government is trying to fix something that is not broken. We shouldn't need a Real ID that contains all of this personal identification information. Is Real ID really protecting us or just creating different problems? All of this because someone is afraid of foreigners?
This all leaves me feeling like things can only get worse from here. I guess I'll know for sure when we see what happens as they start to round up all the evil immigrants. What could go wrong?